So much loss. Not even a year ago I had to write a post entitled The Loss of Lily, and now I’m back memorializing Anika.

Unlike that time, I’ve been sharing my joy and trepidation about the pregnancy on this blog, hoping that it wouldn’t turn out like before.

On September 15th, I had to rush Annie to the hospital, where we found out that things weren’t going perfectly. After spending most of the day in triage, we were moved to the Family Birthing Unit, where we spend the next three days watching the odds of Anika surviving slip away.

Early in the morning on September 17th, after taking her temperature, a whole medical team came in to let Annie and I know that there was no chance Anika was going to survive and that they had to speed up the delivery because Annie was showing signs of a uterine infection. An infection that could quickly threaten Annie’s life.

Anika Belle Peralty was born on September 17th at 5:10 PM. I was there for the delivery with my sister Mary. Anika was baptised by my brother-in-law’s brother, and a piece of the family each spent some time holding her lifeless body.

I’m sure Annie will provide much more detail on her blog than I have on mine and I’ll edit this post to link to it once she has the strength to work on it. I’m still processing this loss but wanted to get something up.

It is amazing how much of a zombie this whole process makes people. I have been pretty much unable to function like a normal person since we entered the hospital. Thankfully, my new job has been awesome and is allowing me some time to process (not that I’d be useful to them right now anyways).

Annie and I will survive this, but we’ve started to make some tough decisions about our future. Of course, it could all change, but right now we’ve decided to not try this again. I’ve been through three losses in my life, and I can’t bear to keep trying for a natural born child.

I continue to try to be strong for my wife as she struggles with the after-effects of the loss. I appreciate the love and support we’ve received from family, friends and of course many of the great hospital workers. The Guelph General Hospital has the best nurses on the Family Birthing Unit team.

Update – Sept 23, 2016: Read Annie’s post about Anika’s last week.