Jan 14 – I woke up early because of the dog, but that’s okay. I have decided to be as calorie restrictive as possible today as last night at my aunt and uncle’s place, I ate more than I should have. I think I ended the 13th with 100 calories left before hitting my cap. I really want to be sub-2,000 calories today. I know that my wife is making a special dinner tonight because her brother-in-law is coming from England, so I have to assume I’ll probably eat around a thousand calories for supper, so that means lunch and snacks have to be less than a thousand calories as well. Knowing this affects my food choices for the day. I’m also feeling heavier today. I was starting to feel lighter before the massive meal and dessert last night. It can be demoralizing to feel like I’ve taken a step back.

Jan 15 – I didn’t sleep well last night, and as usual, not sleeping well makes it harder to eat well. I had a coke this morning and it helped pep me up to be productive at work. I had Glorp for dinner, just like last night. It is basically a beef and vegetable stroganoff that Annie makes as her special dish. The nice thing about it is that it is so filling and not too crazy on the calories. Even if I have a snack later today, I should end the day with over 500 calories left, which is good. I weighed myself this morning and I’m up over a pound from my last weigh-in only four days ago. Again, who knows if this is because of water, food in the digestive system, or what. Weight is such a horrible thing to look at, outside of using it for long term trends.

Jan 16 – I had breakfast this morning. I don’t usually do breakfast, but I woke up feeling hungry and in the mood for mini-wheats. That plus a Vitamin water from Coca-Cola used up almost 600 calories to start my day. For lunch, I gave in and we had Wendy’s. The drive-thru took so long that they gave us a coupon for a free meal next time we go there. We finished with lasagna for dinner. I don’t even want to look at the carbs I used up today, but I did still end with a deficit of almost 600 calories.

Jan 17 – I only had four hours sleep last night, so I’m tired, again. I hate complaining about being tired, but I am one of those people that still need a solid seven and a half hours to recharge otherwise, I find it harder to deal with my depression. This morning I bought more yogurt so I could eat more of my oatmeal and yogurt mixes. I also got some coke and I’m going to try to stick to a maximum of one can per day. Though today that feels really hard. I weighed myself today, one day before my official weigh-in day, and I’m down. That feels nice despite how mentally hard this week has been for me. I am so lucky that I can overindulge in calories. I know that many people aren’t able to, and so I should feel super fortunate that I’m in a position where I have a choice. But sometimes, I feel that thanks to marketing and my struggles with depression and the self-sabotage that comes from it, I am set-up to fail and eat poorly, even as our world tries to market a healthier lifestyle. Tonight, we are likely going to have thin crust pizza at Score, one of my favourite pizza places. Bye bye calories…

Jan 18 – The day got away from me. I didn’t have breakfast or lunch. I just ate dinner and over the course of the day, I had two cokes, something I didn’t really want to do, but I was weak today. My cousin came over for dinner and made us a nice chicken, rice and veggies supper. It was really nice and healthy too. I ended up only using a little under 1200 calories for the day.

Jan 19 – I woke up hungry. Not surprising after having so few calories yesterday. I tried to make good food choices by having yogurt and protein oatmeal for breakfast. I spent too many calories today on drinks! So frustrating. I went over to my Aunt’s place and had two cans of Barq’s root beer, an amazing dinner of pulled pork sandwiches, chips and salad and pie for dessert. I came within 40 calories of my limit today. This was my highest calorie day yet, and I ended it still feeling hungry. How is that fair?