I don’t know why, but I have a strange issue. I have a ton of knowledge but I can’t put any of it into action. I know how to get fit, but I’m not doing a good job at doing what I know needs to be done. I know how to build a company, and do better at my job, but I’m running around and getting things done rather than taking the bull by the horns and making the changes that need to be made to save my sanity.
I have all the knowledge in the world, but I’m stuck. I just can’t change my knowledge into a lasting change in my life. I don’t know what I need to light a fire under my butt, and that really scares me. It is sometimes like I want to fail. Self-destructive acts might just be part of my continued fight with depression and anxiety, but I don’t even have the focus or will to get the help I need with that issue.
The funniest and saddest part is that I’m smart enough to know better, and so I’m just lost. While it might be exaggerating, it feels like I was born with a brilliant mind, but I’m trapped in a useless body.
Despite everything going on, other than a quick aside and this post, I’ve felt completely uninterested in writing, and I haven’t felt like I have anyone to talk to, or anyone that can help me with my issues. I wish I could just have someone step in and organize some help for me, get me going in the right direction, help me figure myself out and pull from me the motivation I used to have, back when I started my career.
Am I useless without someone I can work for, and attempt to fulfill the needs of? As I get older, I feel like I’m losing more of the person I want to be, and gaining more weight, more stress, and just a general lack of interest.