Recently, my aunt contacted me via Skype and wanted to know when I would start talking to my Mom again. Over the last year, I haven’t said anything to her due to a variety of different factors.
The first reason has to do with my brother. I don’t want to go into the story right now, but suffice to say, my Mom would stress herself out due to living with my brother and his girlfriend. She would then contact me and talk things through. I’d give her advice, and she wouldn’t take it. While some of my advice might have made my brother’s life harder. I’ve thought for a long time that he’s ready to be his own man, but my mom wouldn’t let him. In the end, she moved to Kingston from Ottawa, in part to separate her life from my brother’s. She said she’d never put herself in a situation where she’d live with him as it stressed her out.
I told her that she has to do what’s right for her, but as usual she didn’t listen. I warned her that if she and my brother lived together again, I wouldn’t talk to her. I didn’t want the drama in my life, nor did I want to be the middle man between my brother and my mother.
Add on to that the fact that the few times I did go visit her, she didn’t really make any time for me, and then add to that her lack of visiting or contacting me, and I felt justified in continuing to ignore he lame attempts to get a hold of me once she realized that I was no longer talking to her.
Lastly, in a more self-oriented issue, I found that during my year and a half depressive bout, the idea of being there for anyone else was just beyond my abilities. I couldn’t partake in the drama she surrounds herself with, and so just decided to take myself out of it.
While it is definitely a shame to have family members that you just can’t talk to, I think that everyone needs to do what is best for themselves with regards to communication. I’ve never been a fan of drama, and have worked hard to expunge such people from my life as much as possible.
This isn’t to say that I will never talk to her again, but I think that if nothing else, I need to wait until her situation changes, as well as my own.
Relationships should make people feel better, connected, and wanted. I didn’t really feel any of these things from my Mom over the last decade and that’s why I don’t talk to my Mom anymore.