The Ugly Side of Depression – What I Can’t Talk About Publicly

I’ve written a few posts about depression and anxiety now, but I can’t help but reflect on all of the things I’d like to write and share but I’m afraid to.

There are so many stories, feelings, and side effects that would make people uncomfortable to read, so I can only write the easier parts of depression and anxiety.

I sometimes think that if I shared more, people would be very concerned and many wouldn’t really understand or be able to process the information. Feeling like I don’t have an avenue to share these thoughts, feelings, and stories is isolating.

I wish I felt like I had somewhere to direct some of the stuff going on in my brain and in my life. I consider all of the people in my life but quickly scratch them off my list because they all have enough on their plate and don’t need to hear what’s happening with me. Even with my wife, I have a hard time sharing because she looks at me with pain and sorrow over what I’m experiencing. I know that she wants me to share, but it is hard to put that emotional weight on her shoulders knowing that she already has so much weighing her down. Especially because she feels so helpless to correct my mood or reduce my anxiety.

In the end, mental health is so taboo in part because it makes people so uncomfortable, both those living through it and those witnessing it. I don’t know how this is going to change, but I do know that it needs to. If I don’t feel free to share, how can people ever really understand and thus support me through this illness?

6 responses to “The Ugly Side of Depression – What I Can’t Talk About Publicly”

  1. Dear David, we are here for support, whenever you need it. Our son Joey is going through a rough time right now as well.
    yours friends,
    Ken and Lucy

  2. That’s why I believe a good relationship with a good counselor is invaluable! This 3rd party that is a trained professional can hear those deep, dark thoughts and help a person find ways (“tools”) to assist with moving through the issues that the deep, dark thoughts bring up. Many people ulare unable or unwilling to share that part with a counselor (stranger) but I believe that if you can find a good one you can get a lot of benefits from the help. I know affordability is an issue for a lot of people, and it may take a few counselors to find the right one but in the end it’s worth it.
    💛 Mom B~

      • I’d have a hard time shopping around too, having to spill your guts over and over. There’s no easy solution. I’m always here.

  3. I agree that all of those things are frustrating, however, sometimes it’s worth finding a solution to the issue. Between moving to K-town and getting a permanent job, I looked into federally sponsored/partially funded medical assistance programs…there were a few interesting and helpful programs (4 years ago).
    Just a (take it/leave it) piece of knowledge to pass on to you.

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