I’ve written a few posts about depression and anxiety now, but I can’t help but reflect on all of the things I’d like to write and share but I’m afraid to.
There are so many stories, feelings, and side effects that would make people uncomfortable to read, so I can only write the easier parts of depression and anxiety.
I sometimes think that if I shared more, people would be very concerned and many wouldn’t really understand or be able to process the information. Feeling like I don’t have an avenue to share these thoughts, feelings, and stories is isolating.
I wish I felt like I had somewhere to direct some of the stuff going on in my brain and in my life. I consider all of the people in my life but quickly scratch them off my list because they all have enough on their plate and don’t need to hear what’s happening with me. Even with my wife, I have a hard time sharing because she looks at me with pain and sorrow over what I’m experiencing. I know that she wants me to share, but it is hard to put that emotional weight on her shoulders knowing that she already has so much weighing her down. Especially because she feels so helpless to correct my mood or reduce my anxiety.
In the end, mental health is so taboo in part because it makes people so uncomfortable, both those living through it and those witnessing it. I don’t know how this is going to change, but I do know that it needs to. If I don’t feel free to share, how can people ever really understand and thus support me through this illness?